Dentist Doldrums
by Squirrel Stone
Summary: When Usagi is put on laughing gas at the dentist, she accidentally tells her something she really shouldn't have... Based loosely off an iCarly episode.
1. Dentist Doldrums

I don't own Sailor Moon. Takes place in the first season, the girls are fourteen, Mamoru is twenty-one, and Minako has been introduced without the Starlight Tower battle.

* * *

Usagi giggled girlishly and tilted her head back, Minako watching on in amusement. "Funny, funny, 'Nako-chan," she laughed. "Your head looks like a potato in the sun."

"Is she okay?" Minako asked the dentist.

"She's fine; we just gave her some laughing gas to calm her down," the dentist explained. "I don't think I've ever seen someone this old afraid of the dentist."

"Well, Usagi-chan is somewhat of an anomaly," Minako replied. The dentist left the two while Usagi recovered. "So, Usagi, what do you want to talk about that I can tease you about later?" she joked.

"Well, there is one thing..." Usagi smiled, blushing slightly.

"Ooo," Minako said, ready for gossip. "What is it? A guy?"

"Well... you know Chiba Mamoru...?" Usagi asked, an evil little smile on her face.

"You like him, don't you?" Minako asked. "I knew it!"

"That's not all..." Usagi giggled. "Well, we're kind of..."

"Usagi-chan, you didn't kiss him, did you?" Minako teased. Then, she sobered. "Usagi-chan, you didn't _sleep with him _did you?"

Usagi giggled. "Of course we did!" she cheered. "On the night of our marrige!"

Minako's jaw dropped to the floor. "Your... _what_?"

"Mamo-chan and I are married, silly!" Usagi reiterated. "We got married a month after we met! We remembered our past lives and found out that we really were in love! He was so sweet in the Silver Millennium, and he's so sweet now! But I didn't want to tell anyone because Mamo-chan would get yelled at by the senshi."

"Usagi-chan, do your parents and Luna know about this?" Minako asked.

"Of course my parents do!" Usagi exclaimed. "But I couldn't tell Luna because she doesn't trust the prince of Earth."

"The... _what_?" Minako demanded, but it was too late. Usagi had passed out.

* * *

Minako ran into the shrine and threw the screen open, revealing Rei, Ami, and Makoto. "USAGI-CHAN'S MARRIED!" she yelled before any of the others could speak.

"WHAT?" they all yelled back.

"And she remembers her past life," Minako continued. "We were at the dentist and they gave her laughing gas and I got her to say a secret and she told me that she and Mamoru-san were married and she remembered the Silver Millennium and Mamoru-san was the prince of Earth and they had sex!"

"WHAT?" the girls screamed again at her rushed, strung-together, run-on sentence.

"We've gotta find her," Rei declared.

"And kill her for not telling us all this," Makoto continued.

It didn't take a second for the senshi to split up in search of Usagi. Rei found herself at Mamoru's apartment, knocking furiously on the door. "OPEN UP!" she ordered, and the door slowly swung open, revealing Mamoru wearing only a towel around his waist and a wedding ring on his left ring finger.

"Rei-san, what are you doing here?" Mamoru asked. "I was taking a shower."

"Who is it, honey?" a feminine voice asked. Usagi walked up to the door, wearing her wedding and engagement rings and a towel. "R-Rei... what a surprise... what are you doing here?" The laughing gas had clearly worn off.

"Coming to see if Minako-chan was right; apparently, she is," Rei explained. Noting Usagi's confused look, she stated, "You blabbed to Minako-chan while you were still on laughing gas."

Usagi turned a bright red, realizing she was wearing next-to-nothing. "Uh... come inside. I'm gonna go change."

"M-me, too," Mamoru continued, retreating with Usagi into the bedroom.

Rei sat nervously on the couch, and soon enough, Mamoru and Usagi came out, fully clothed. The two sat down on the love seat across from Rei, Usagi snuggled up in Mamoru's arms. "So," Usagi began, "I guess I'll just start from the beginning. Mamo-chan and I saw each other and instantly remembered the Silver Millennium. We had eloped then, but we were taken away from each other. Mamo-chan told me he wasn't going to let us get separated again, and we convinced my parents to let us get married. We decided not to tell anyone because A, you and the other senshi would freak out, and B, the age difference isn't exactly common for a couple nowadays, espically at our ages. But we're in love, and we know what we're getting ourselves into."

Rei blanched, "You actually made sense. That's a first."

"I've been hiding my true identity for a while, Rei," Usagi explained. "I wasn't quite sure what it was, but even as a child, I knew I had to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm not nearly as dumb as I look, nor as clumsy. I'm just... full of secrets."

"Wow," Rei managed. "Uh... I'm sorry for flirting with Mamoru-san earlier, Usagi."

"You didn't know," Usagi smiled. "To be honest, in the Silver Millennium, you tried to seduce Endymion, aka Mamo-chan here, to protect me." Then, she let a smirk cross her face. "Now, if you don't mind, my husband and I have some unfinished business to attend to."

Rei blushed slightly and ran out of the apartment faster than a deer running from a coyote.

* * *

Poor Rei stuck in all that awkward. This is just a little oneshot from the depths of my insane mind. I'm making another fic that'll be about two or three chapters long that's close to the opposite of this, but it's still slight UsaMamo. It's gonna be a comedy and is based off all the idiocy that was going on at my school before winter break. Please review and check out the new fic!


	2. Closet Cliche

Moon Neko: The way I see it, Usagi knows Rei didn't think she was doing anything wrong when she was flirting with Mamoru. Neither he nor Usagi wore their wedding rings, and both intentionally gave the illusion of being single to everyone. That and I'm one of those people that think Usagi and Rei are the closest of the senshi, even though they fight a lot.

UH-60 NIGHTSTALKER: Hm... I might just do that... thanks for the suggestion. Until then, though, you'll have to settle for this next little part I thought of.

Notes: So, almost every author in the SM universe has made a closet story. You know the ones I'm talking about: Motoki and the girls (usually Minako as the head on the concept) somehow trap Usagi and Mamoru in a closet somewhere (usually the arcade) and within five minutes, the two are making out (often being watched by the girls and Motoki, whom have set up a video camera in the closet). This is one of those stories... following the events from the previous chapter.

* * *

Motoki smirked as Usagi walked into the room at the back of the arcade, and he calmly closed the door, locking it shut. He heard the annoyed yells of Usagi and some banging on the door, but he was not going to let her out. Nope, he had stocked the room with enough food and water for two for a week. He would keep her and Mamoru there as long as he had to. He acted completely calm as Mamoru came into the arcade, and he repeated the speech he had given Usagi only five minutes prior.

"Hey, Mamoru-kun, could you get some glasses out of the back?" he requested. "Some idiot kids came by earlier today and decided the breaking glasses made a cool sound."

"Sure," Mamoru replied, walking to the back. Over his shoulder, he added in, "Was Odango one of those kids?"

"Uh, no," he replied.

"You left the door locked," Mamoru reported, coming back up to the front.

"Oh, here I'll get the door," Motoki said, walking back to unlock the door. "Besides, there's too much for one person to get." He opened the door and Mamoru walked inside, Motoki shutting and locking the door after him.

"Motoki-kun!" Mamoru yelled angrily, pounding on the door.

"It's no use," Usagi informed him. "I think he wants us to stop 'arguing' and get along for once."

Mamoru chuckled slightly. "If he only knew..." he muttered.

"Well, I don't think he would believe us if we said we were married or just randomly stated making out, so... what do you want to do until he lets us out?" Usagi questioned.

"Well, we could always prove that we can get along," Mamoru suggested, glancing over to the couch in the room.

* * *

"Hey, Motoki-kun," Minako smiled, walking up to the counter of the arcade. "Where is our favorite dueling duo?"

"Oh, I locked them in the back room until they agree to get along," Motoki explained. "I think there might even be a relationship for them in the future."

Minako's jaw dropped. "Have you been monitoring them?" she asked nervously.

"No, why?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Oh, gosh, they didn't tell you, did they?"

"Tell me what?"

"We need to go check on them _now_," Minako ordered. The two made their way to the back room, where they saw a nude Mamoru and Usagi making out on the couch, Usagi lying underneath Mamoru and moaning loudly as they kissed.

"Get your hands off of her!" Motoki ordered, grabbing Mamoru and forcibly pulling him off of Usagi. Both turned bright red, and Usagi grabbed Mamoru's shirt off the floor for cover while Mamoru grabbed the blanket lying on the back of the couch. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

"Well..." Usagi said nervously. "Uh... we were just kissing?"

"NAKED?" Motoki yelled.

Minako quickly closed the door to the small room so no one else would be able to hear. "Guys, I think you'd better explain," she stated.

"Well, Motoki-kun," Mamoru began, "Usako and I are kind of... married. We have been for a while now."

"Is this a... erm... normal occurance?" Motoki questioned.

"Often..." Usagi blushed.

"How did you two even manage to get married?" Motoki asked. "How did you get your parents to agree?"

"It took a bit of arm twisting, but Mamoru and I got married recently," Usagi explained. "We love each other very much." She smiled as Mamoru rejoined her on the couch.

"Uh, get your clothes on and get out, please," Motoki said. "You two are my best friends, but can't... _this _wait until you're back at Mamoru-kun's apartment?"

"Right," the couple blushed, waiting for Minako and Motoki to leave before changing into their clothes and leaving.

* * *

Okay, next and final chapter: Usagi gets wasted! Unless, of course, you guys suggest more things for me to write about involving Mamoru and Usagi's early marrige. Then it might not be the last chapter.


	3. Wonderful Wine

Well, poor Usagi and Mamoru. So far, they've been caught lying to their friends, getting married, and almost having sex. What the heck else can I get them into? A lot. Believe me. If you have seen my mind, you know I have many ways of torturing the characters. Actually, you probably don't want to see my mind. It's scary in there. You'd probably have nightmares for weeks.

And, I don't know what wine tastes like, and I don't know what it's like to be drunk (viewing my age, that's a good thing), but I'm going to write it the best I can. ;D

* * *

It was a rather important event, she figured. She had received an invitation as well as Mamoru, but she had considered not going- _had _being the operative word. In the end, she had decided to attend the event with Mamoru, though both had their rings concealed on necklaces. They had come to the conclusion that it would be good to have the rings somewhere to act as proof if they ever got caught and someone threatened to send Mamoru to prison. Though the five people that had figured out so far were friends and wouldn't turn Mamoru in, there was always the chance that they would be caught by someone who wouldn't be as understanding.

And now Usagi was standing by the refreshments, watching with a slightly amused expression as her husband rubbed elbows with important people that could possibly get him scholarships to important medical schools or even get him a good job after he graduated. "Thank you," she smiled as she was handed a glass of dark red punch. She took a sip out of the glass and found herself surprised by the taste. She expected it to taste like cherry or strawberry, but instead this tasted somewhat like grapes.

Soon after finishing the glass, she felt her mind drifting off. The colors around the room started blending. Then, she started giggling. So many pretty colors...

"Konban wa, Mamo-chan!" Usagi exclaimed drunkenly, hugging Mamoru.

"Usako?" Mamoru asked. "...Are you drunk?"

"No, silly!" she cheered before hiccuping. "I just had some of that _wonderful _red punch. I wonder if there's any more."

"Oh dear," Mamoru mumbled, excusing himself from the people he was talking to. "It seems I need to take Usako out for a moment." Mamoru led Usagi outside, and she wrapped her arms around him. "Usako, how much did you have to drink?"

"Just that one glass," Usagi replied. "Now, is that really what you want to talk about?" She moved her hand so it was on his chest.

"Usako, this isn't you," Mamoru stated. "Er, well, it is you, but you're not thinking clearly."

"Mamo-chan..." Usagi whined.

"Usako, you're going to have a huge headache in the morning," Mamoru reasoned. "You need rest."

"I'll be just fine, Mamo-chan," Usagi giggled. "You worry too much." She gently pressed her body up against his, and before she could act further, his lips were over hers.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?" a voice interrupted them. The couple pulled apart speedily, causing a tipsy Usagi to fall back into Mamoru's arms.

Walking towards them was a man- wait, no, it was a woman- stalking towards them. She had sandy blonde hair and a temper that was sure to match Rei's toe for toe. Behind the first woman was a second with aqua-colored hair, trying to catch up to the first to calm her down.

However, the blonde reached them first and pulled Usagi from Mamoru's arms. "What the hell do you think you're doing with Serenity, you perverted creep?" she demanded angrily.

"I was just getting ready to take my _wife_ home after she- wait, did you just say 'Serenity'?" Mamoru asked in shock.

* * *

Well, I thought it'd be kind of funny to cut it off there, just as Haruka and Michiru arrive to "save" Usagi. Suggestions are always welcome! Please review!


End file.
